Weight Loss

I tend to be a negative Nancy about my weight loss. After all that I have accomplished in life, losing weight has not been one of them.

Food has ALWAYS been my friend it seems. I've read that people tend to relate food with happiness or a happy time in life when food was present. For me, I remember living across the yard from my grandmother. I would always walk over and that was my happy place.

What's at grandma's house? FOOD! GOOD FOOD! I would ALWAYS have some kind of food in my hand the whole time I was at her house. She would cook up good southern suppers and even if it came straight out of the box, she gave it a special touch that made it wonderful!

When I have a bad day, I eat. When I have a good day, I eat. When a day is just simply a day, I eat. I will eat just to be eating simply because I don't want an empty feeling in my stomach.

Each time I start back on program and start losing weight, I always remind myself how I feel now. I feel horrible and bloated, my feet are swollen and it scares me. Each day I tell myself I will start over new, I don't. My weight is the one thing I hold on to and frankly, it scares me to lose weight, no clue why.

I quit because I focus more on how long it's taking and so I say forget it. I'm a very impatient person, if you could not tell. It was not put on over night and will not go away over night either though.

I believe it all boils down to, I don't believe I deserve it? Well, we all know that no one deserves death. That's where this is going if I don't change, I weigh 319.1 lbs - that's horrible. Can it be fixed? Yes! Each time I start I feel really motivated and then it goes away. I get tired of the same ole foods that I eat, yet I can't seem to find anything new to make.

All of this is excuses really, I know what has to be done and it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I think reading about certain things throws me off track. So and so does this at the gym, so and so eats this. I just need to focus on myself and not pay attention to what others do. So and so lost this and now does this, well so and so didn't start directly doing crossfit at 300lbs, they worked up to it. Or down to it? Losing weight, get it? *snickers* I crack myself up... Oh.. SNICKERS! NO NICCI! NO!

I've thought about not even saying when I get back on track, maybe that will help me stay on track? Nope, did not work.

By the way, when I write blogs I'm not trying to complain or throw a pity party for myself, I'm just letting my heart flow out on the net. Things that are on my mind will not go away will find themselves here. =)

Anywho, my mind has to stay in the game. Think think think before you eat! First week or two is always the worse until I get into the routine of it all, I'm very much so a routine person. I don't like random things to happen, I'm very structured. Some may look and call my life boring, but I still have fun. Only if it's planned fun. ;)

This time around, I'm sticking to myfitnesspal. I was doing weight watchers, but it's crazy that myfitnesspal is free and is basically the same as WW, you are only counting calories instead of points. What stinks about calories is you have to track fruits and all, WW you do not. I'm not going to bash WW though, I've learned oh so much from it, it's a great program.

Flip flopping it some thing I don't want to keep on doing. I go back and forth between WW and myfitnesspal, this time I'm picking one and staying with it.

It's crazy how knowing that death is just around the corner if I don't change, but it's not enough to scare me. I read articles all the time about certain things and the difference between and 300lb person and a 130lb person and etc.

I can't sit around and wait for death any long,er some thing has to be done. I'm going to make small goals each day of what I need completed in order to feel like I've accomplished some thing. For example, count all calories and go for a 30 min walk. I figure each week I will add some thing new. I prefer going outside to workout than instead. Since it's raining today though, I'll probably do a 5 mile walk inside with Leslie Sansone. Or I may just say forget it and go walk in the rain.. No one would be at the park, eh?

Lord help me keep this thing updated. I've always loved blogging, almost therapy even. I also need to keep up with my weight loss videos on youtube. What I don't do on YT, I'll do on here. Some times I just don't feel like making a video. I can type this up naked if I want to, IN FACT... I AM RIGHT NOW! Oh, just kidding. OR AM I!?!?!?!? BAHAHAHA!

Now that I've given you an ungodly image to remember for the rest of your life, I shall go.

Until next time! =)

Christians

I'm not writing this blog to get a point across or to even try to change a single mind. I just need to get a few things off my chest, mostly about ignorance. A rant if you will. =)

We're all ignorant of certain things. As much as we ALL would like to think we know it ALL, we do not. Some things we know, some we don't – very simple.

I'm a Christian. I hate to even say that I'm a Christian because Christians make the name look so bad. It's not a recent thing, some thing that's always been really. I guess you could say I'm a liberal Christian? I use to be a very conservative one, I call those the dark days. ;)

I will always have an open mind, never a closed one. I will never rest on the fact that I must know every thing that God has to offer. I've read the WHOLE bible so I must know all there is to know about every single thing. I never want to think that or to even think I understand all that I have read. Every time I pick up the bible I learn some thing new, even things I thought I knew I look at in a different light because God might show me some thing different.

As a “Christian” I choose to Love people. Jesus spoke MANY times about Love and I believe it's because it's one of the hardest things to do. One may say it's easy, thus means they are lying. Bad! Bad!

On my facebook last night I posted that I love God & I love Jesus. I love Christians because I have too. That's so hard for me to do! I'm not saying I'm a perfect person and I have to seriously pray for ones that think they are. Those that feel they must correct every one because they feel so holy. Those that are seen as heroes among their peers, but isn't that suppose to be Jesus?

Those that preach in million dollar churches, that send money God knows where when we have so many starving in our own city. Those who buy a couple thousand dollars of musical equipment, even lights to put on a SHOW each Sunday. That's what it is, a show. You are a big fish in a small bowl. You can fool people in your city, state, even the world, but you can not fool God.

I hate facebook. I've thought many times that I should just delete mine, it serves no purpose really. I sit back and watch ignorance each day from Christians and rednecks posting about Duck Dynasty or how sad this nation is because 33 couples got married in a church setting on the grammy's. It's ALL OBAMA'S FAULT! AHHH!

I'm just glad the whole Duck Dynasty thing has come to a stand still, they got what they wanted.. More viewers.. Really, we need duck dynasty nail files? How is that glorifying Jesus? Yes, it's not the “Duck Commander” brand, but they allow it. People want to speak about what happened on the grammy's, yet this man spoke very nasty like about female parts and male on male sex. Why is he even thinking about it? 

Why were the goody goody Christians even watching the grammy's? Why didn't they speak about other ungodly things that happened on the grammy's? Why just what they thought was “sad”?

Some times on facebook I will like different Christian musicians in which I had to unlike a lot last night because they wanted to voice their opinion. One lady even said she went to the grammy's and ended up leaving half way through. Why are you at the grammy's woman? What good comes out of that?

I personally wish people would SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! It's not about “YOUR” church and how many volunteers you have or how much “good” you seem to do that others seem to see. IT'S ABOUT JESUS! ALL THAT MATTERS IS JESUS!

WE ALL SIN! Not a single person doesn't sin. Now many people think that certain sins are different than others, they will say because the bible says.. The bible says a lot of things, a lot of things that we as humans can not even understand half of it. Do you understand every thing you read in the bible? I sure don't. Things that we don't even know is a sin or that we even probably do each day. Yet, people want to act all high and mighty, like they are the exception?

For awhile, I hated Christians, such hate.. 

I've been to many churches in life.. Churches that I was in the clique and churches I was not. Churches where you couldn't be part of without being a “member” and some that say - Come on! It's sad how much gossip and judgment goes on in a church, that's sad.

Being in the clique has it's benefits, yet tiring. You have to always be at the church which really ruins the ole personal life. If you are not always doing some thing for the church then you are not in the clique. WHICH MEANS you can't go out to eat with all the “cool Christians” after church on Sunday's and Wednesday's. WHICH MEANS you can't gossip about people while you eat.. O geesh! Sad. If they are talking about others to you, they will talk about you as well.

The sad part are the ones that want to be in the clique and even think they are, but because the actual clique members don't like them, they can't actually be in the clique. Ya dig? Mostly because they are the ones spoken about while at dinner. Even lying just to get certain people not to come along.

What kind of Jesus is that?

Then to see all the ignorance about what happened at the grammy's. I think it was beautiful and amazing and the song has much meaning to it. We have SO MUCH hate in this world, some thing I've taken more part in than Love, I admit it.

If you don't agree with me, I don't care. It's not about you and it's not about me, it's about Jesus, it's about Love.

People will stand behind Phil and Kirk Cameron(who I have other issue's with)simply because they think they are standing up for Jesus. People will say how The Bachelor wedding was about Jesus and this and that. They will stand up and be behind all these entertainers and yet, what are you REALLY doing for Jesus? Sitting behind your computer and sharing a picture of these famous people is not really standing up for Jesus, it's hiding.

One more thing before I step off my soap box. 

Get to know a person, the real person, instead of the label you have made for them. So many times we bypass people because of the labels or things we've heard about them. Why don't we just get to know the real them? Be a friend and keep our opinions to ourselves about what we think they should and should not do. Leave it up to God and let Him deal with it. I would rather Him deal with it than me, all it makes me is hateful.

Love is a verb. Use it!

P.S

I'm not saying in any way that this is all Christians. I personally know very amazing people that happen to be Christians. That show Love and follow Him and are great examples of Love. Thankful for those!