Class went really well today! The teacher basically discussed where I am grade wise and showed me what to do when I enter her class and such, seems nice. She told me she didn't get her GED until she was 22, worked as a receptionist and decided that's not what she wanted to do all her life. So, she went to college at 30.
I thought it was awesome she told me her story, gave me confidence. I'm 6th grade on my math, 12th on my reading and language, 10th on my science. I am pretty sure those numbers are right, if not... don't kill me. o.O
I did about an hour of work on the computer, math of course. I left class at 3:15, they close at 3:30. The teacher had an appointment, she had to leave earlier than normal. I was the only one left in the room at 3:15 so I left. I did learn a lot of things I forgot, stuff I never think about on a day to day basis.
When I walked out of the building a guy from church was walking by(David). He said.. "Hello lady, you going to school?" I thought in my head.... I guess I am! I talked with him for a little bit and then got in the truck. When I did so, on the radio "Voice Of Truth" starts playing. I was like, yup.... I'm doing this. hehe
I'm really happy and proud of myself, usually I am not. Glad I am moving forward instead of staying still in life. Moving forward with school anyways, everything else is staying still and not showing much progress. *sighs* One thing at a time, I have to stay positive!
Tis all! =)
Last Tuesday I took an assessment test to see where I am regarding my GED test, basically passed everything but math. I have ALWAYS had trouble with math, simply because it confuses me. I'm a quick learner though and once learned, I will run with it.
Tomorrow I start classes, I shall go each Tuesday and Thursday if I can. The lady with much confidence told me I should be ready to take my test on Oct. 9th. She acted like I should be able to pass with help in the math area. I know I can do this, and it will happen this time.
After I get my GED, I'm going to cosmetology school. Every time I say that, I feel like Luan on King Of The Hill. It's something I've wanted to do, plus everyone is telling me I will be great at it. I want to make a career out of it and be somebody for once in my life. I'm tired of being lazy with life, tired of saying I will do this and that. This time I'm making no excuses and it's going to happen.
I don't really care what people think of me. I do worry about my legacy and want people to know I was strong and did something. I want to be a good example of someone who got up and did it! Rather than blend in, sit down, and just talk about it.
A lot of other things are going on right now with me. I don't care to discuss it, because things are not certain, more so a working progress. I am just focusing on what is on my plate at the moment and going from there. I can't let negative things bring me down, I'm already a depressed person as it is. It's so hard to stay strong when things are crumbling around you. I'm just taking one day at a time, I can't get ahead of myself. I didn't say this to make people feel bad for me, I don't need that to make me feel better. Just sayin'.
Grandmother is doing well. She is now in a nursing home, one MUCH MUCH better than she was in. They take care of her and the place doesn't smell like urine! LOL! The walls are painted and the whole place feels cozy and not like a hospital. She says she likes it there, I am happy if she is. I told her about my plans, said I would put a perm in her hair when I learn. If all her hair does not fall out, I consider it a job well done.
Just wanted to update you guys. I know not many read this thing, but some do and enjoy the updates when I give them.
Tis all. =)
It really ticks me off how humans act. I can say so, because I am not one. I was born on Mars and birthed into an alien family....
Seriously though.... It's crazy how someone can be a druggie, hit his wife, drinks til he passes out.. Yet when he gets saved... He's a changed person! We forget the person he use to be.
Change pace... Someone you know really well? That's hurt you... Changed.. Yet, you don't believe it? You still judge, you still question. We can write it off as human nature, but when does it all end? When do we put to practice what Jesus taught... forgiveness.
I'm really fed up with Christians and the "church". I'm tired of people gossiping, people caring for one section and not the other. People who are fine to your face and then talk behind your back. I don't hate God because He doesn't want us to act like this. It's not His fault we're stupid and go against Him.
When will we see that sin is sin? This person killing someone and someone else stealing is the same thing. Yet we don't see it that way with our own eyes. I feel Christians put on the perfect halo and act like they haven't done anything wrong in their life. They might admit to past sin, but not what happened yesterday.
At the same time, I don't have time to deal with immature crap. If I'm mad at someone, do you think they care? No, they go throughout the day not even knowing I'm mad. So, if I'm mad at the person or the situation, it really doesn't change it. I will not say I'm a care free person in the least bit, but knowing that what is going on inside of me can't change things in that matter, helps me move on. Believe me, I use to be such an angry person til I was told this.
A lot has been going on in my life lately, I am thinking a lot. I swear, I can go a whole day just thinking things in my head. I don't even need to have a conversation with anyone else. I guess it's the ADD? I have no clue. I've always been able to just sit and think and it not turn into boredom. When I am bored, my brain must be off. heh
I've been thinking about making something with my life. I have no clue what I want to be, but I'm tired of wasting my life. I don't have confidence in myself, the only area I do is in music. It seems I will never make it in that area, so I might as well look for something else.
When I was a kid, playing guitar was cool. People would be impressed by my talents and say I was going places. Now that I'm 24, I see that I'm not. I still enjoy playing and it's the ONLY way I can truly express myself and the way I feel. It's a good release for me, kind of like my drug. Now I see that I'm just a 24 yr old playing guitar and I'm mad at myself. I guess I've been sitting in my own little world so long, I forgot to wake up and see I can be somebody?
I feel I'm wasting my life. I don't even have a GED! I was never good at school and always hated going. Mostly because the school I was at, the teachers didn't give a flip about my education. They called me stupid and put me in a "special" class. I was never pushed to be someone, in which I am not blaming any one. It's my own fault I have not done some thing with my life.
Every time I say I will get my GED and maybe do the college thing, I always chicken out. I hate that I can't be motivated for crap. I lose interest very quickly, I hate that about me. I just feel like a no body. You hear all these stories about people with learning issue's going off and becoming these great things.. That does not even motivate me. I can't even lose weight because I'm so freaking weak!!
I want to make a change soon and actually do something with my life. I hate when asked what I did today.. In reply I say.. "Oh nothing much"... etc... I want to get out there and do something, have a good story at the end of the day to tell people.
Thankfully I have good friends that will help kick me in the butt to do all this, that will give me confidence. Well, two anyways. Two good friends are better than 1000 fake friends any day though. I just have to focus on one thing at a time. I cloud my mind with thinking "what if" and forget about now.
I'm such a lazy person when it comes down to things. I have a husband that basically does everything for me. I'll just ask him this or that and get an answer. Like I'm a baby and he's my daddy. Surprised I don't ask him to wipe my butt... Anywho, if it's not him I'll find another way to back out of things I am suppose to do. I HATE that about myself. I guess I've always been a big baby going through this life. I just need to grow up and do something with my life. I'm 24, I can do this. It's about time.
Here goes nothing. I hope I can do it. *sighs*
So, this guy comes into our shop this morning. He seemed normal at first, then went all crazy on my husband. He was basically saying that my husband was not saved and that you can lose your salvation. When you ask people who believe that to explain how you can lose it, it never makes any sense. It's because they were taught it and didn't read it in the bible for themselves.
Then he says he's a Calvinist, but his definition of one was wrong. The guy had the confidence to get the message across, but not really? I mean, he needs correct information first. And of course he had to argue for an hour with my husband. Matt even used a big word and the guy didn't understand what it meant. I almost died out laughing at that point.
Matt and I just don't argue with people about God. It's all idle talk anyways, trying to distract us from what God wants us to do. If we're so hateful and arguing all the time, when do we have time to witness and be an example? The guy of course wanted to brainwash Matt and it was not working. The guy was so angry that Matt would not believe what the guy was telling him. It's like, dude, stop. Pushing something on someone NEVER works.
Finally the guys friend came up and got him and the guy left. I was so relieved and of course Matt and I had to talk about it after. All in all, it gave us a good laugh. At the same time, I feel sorry for the guy.
Then I pick up lunch for us @ Taco Tico. It's my favorite fast food restaurant for mexican food. This time Matt actually suggest we eat there, so I jumped on it.
I pull up to the speaker to place my order. The guy is all like welcome to blah blah, hold on. So, I sit.... and I wait.... and I wait....... Did I mention, I was waiting? For AWHILE! Finally, dude asks me for my order. I tell him and he says, pull around.
I pull around to the window and after telling him my whole order, the only thing he got was the nachos! HOW DUMB! If you can't take a simple order, fast food is not the job for you bud. So, I had to repeat my order several times til he finally called it back to me right. I pay... and then....... I wait.... and wait..... and wait... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiit and waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiit... FINALLY! THE FOOD! And he just looks at me like I took his food away, like a sad puppy... And I go, is this all? Then he goes.. Sauce.... and I'm like.. Do what? He goes, sauce.. and I go MILD! HELLO! You're suppose to ask before you hand me the food so you can put it in the sack. O my O my. I drove away very quickly from there!
I come back to the office at first I thought they got my order wrong. My husband was like, where is your food? They packaged it wrong, looked different than normal. I come up front and I said if that guy got my order wrong I SWEAR(you know, acted all bad, but what am I really going to do?)!
Anywho, back to the weird guy I started this blog entry with. He was saying how people can't really be saved if they say a few words and then live like the "dickens", as he said. Thoughts on that is, were they really saved in the first place? Also, a lot of people truly get saved but have no discipleship. Another problem is the pastor and the people of the church. They want to see those big numbers of the "saved" but don't care to explain how to live after you get saved. They don't care to explain that you just ticked satan off and he will attack you every second now. It's like throwing someone out of a plane without a parachute.
As a Christian, I'm always learning. I need discipleship or I tend to fall away. There is nothing like reading a passage with a few people and talking about it. God will move like crazy during that time, I have seen it happen. You don't need expensive books from a Christian bookstore, just open up God's word and let it flow.
I'm not a perfect Christian and never will be til I see Jesus. I have problems and faults just like the next person, I admit it. It's just crazy how churches want teachers and helpers for things but think you are not "qualified" enough. I may not know every story in the bible and everyone's name, the only one I need to know is Jesus. A lot of Christians try to intimidate other Christians. Let me tell you, one Christian is not better than the other. I don't care if you can quote scripture, we're both the same. Just because I don't do it a humans way, does not mean it's wrong. I only answer to God.
Well, this has been an interesting ramble for today... Who knew when I started this, I would end with what I did.. haha...
Tis all. =)
It's been a few since I have updated my blog, I apologize. Grandmother is doing well, she is back home, came home Tuesday I believe. She did have fluid around her lungs. Instead of being on the inside though, it was on the outside. They did a simple procedure to remove the fluid and she is doing great.
I saw her Wednesday and she was fully alert. She even told me what dreams she had, when they gave her a sleeping pill in the hospital. Grandmother was Mary Poppins and her hat was crooked, she said. haha! She started yelling in her dream and was doing so out loud and the nurses came to check on her.
In other news I so love how my friend Kate describes me in her blog. "I've been online friends with nicci now for AGES and i love the way shes always fun and bubbly, shes also brutally honest and is always open about her life and weaknesses without sounding self deprecating, which i dont think many people can do and still be liked!"
It makes me crack up, at the same time I'm happy. I am always real with people, no matter who they are. It bugs me people that are not real with one another, that hold back. Life is so much better when you just let things go and be yourself.
I'm thankful for my friend Kate. Even though she is like 100000 miles away, she is my best friend. I think it's for the best that we don't live close though. We have the same personalities as in we can only stand another person so long and then it's done. So, if we lived close, we would probably hate each other within 2 or 3 days. LOL!
For me to consider someone a friend, they have to be there. I'm always there for people, but for them to be there for me? That hardly ever happens. I "know" many people but have very few friends. The only friends I have is my husband and Kate. They are always there for me no matter what. They are not fake and only just there when they want to be, they are unselfish about it.
Now I know life gets in the way and prevents people from being there 24/7. Heck, no one can be there for a person 24/7 except God. But they listen and I know they will not run to someone else and gossip about my problems. It's also nice to go emo on a person and they not judge you for it. hahaha!
Anywho, enough of showing my nice side. I don't let it out often, so take it as it is. :p
After church last night, Matt and I had fun. It was like old times! We went to order chilis and then walked next door to books-a-million. We use to do this all the time when dating(also a little hacky sack in the mall parking lot. lol). We always go to BAM for a 2600 and then a coffee. BAM stopped carrying 2600's for awhile, so we stopped going there. It just brought back a lot of memories. 2 skinny kids use to go on dates at this place. Now 2 fat old farts are buying a 2600 and a coffee. haha
Speaking of my fat butt. Since my stomach virus, I haven't be able to eat all that much. I have an appetite and all, I just get full quicker. Which is a good thing, it's what I want. I'm hoping I'll end up losing weight in the end. I need to get involved in something I do each day and will cause me to do tons of activity, walking of some sort. I believe that would help me, because at work I don't do much. I have a little football I'll walk around and toss in the air and act all cool and kid like.. Gosh, I hope no one ever walks in the door while I'm acting stupid.. Anywho, that's not enough exercise for me though. haha
My biggest problem though, I keep eating after I'm full. I sit there and get a high from the taste and ignore my stomach until I can't move from fullness. I seriously wish I didn't have a food addiction. If it wasn't food, it would be something else though. Bleh!
Tis all. =)
I've been sick with a stomach virus. It seems like it was forever, but it was really bad yesterday and the night before. I'm doing much better today, thank God. I pray I continue to get better. I was able to eat a good supper, more so than I have. I weighed myself and it says I have lost 11.5lbs. Of course I haven't weighed myself in 2 weeks.
Grandmother came home today. Mom called 10mins ago to tell me she was following the ambulance to the hospital. Grandmother's hands started to swell and she could not breathe. Mom was afraid she was going in to congestive heart failure, so she called 911.
I know God does things on His own time and has His own reasons. I just don't understand why my grandmother is suffering so much. I don't understand why any one suffers. It just makes me sad to know my grandmother is 83 as it is and is going through all this mess.
The only thing that doesn't keep me from giving up on God is knowing He's real. Knowing all that we've have been through, I know He is. All the things He has helped me through in life. That He sent Jesus to die for my sins, knowing that I would just spit in His face like all the rest.
I'm glad that He is real. That I can talk to Him, sitting on the couch or in the shower. I don't have to go pray in a church to speak with Him. He is every where I am at all times. I feel so close and glad that we can be. Knowing that He knows the future and He's perfect, gives me rest. So, I know my grandmother is going to be okay.
Gosh, this stomach virus I had.. TERRIBLE! I seriously thought I was going to die, even started crying late last night. When I'm real sick, I get depressed and think I will never get any better. I know people are going through worse things that I ever will in this life. It's just how I get, I'm a depressed person. I wouldn't know how to act if I didn't have depression. The key is to not let it keep me down!
Tis all! =)
Happy 4th to you all. I figured I would write a blog today, in case I forget to do so on the actual day. hehe
Grandmother is not doing well. The rehab she is in, they are horrible. They have ripped her skin, twice. Almost dropped her several times, thus the ripped skin. She now has pneumonia in one lung and a uti. My mom has given them the what for and they still are not getting their act together, so it seems. They have like 10000 nurses around that place, I don't understand what the problem is. Maybe they need to go back to Mcdonalds? It seems she gets better only to get worse, it's sad. It's crazy all the stuff she has been through. I've been sick with a cold, so I haven't visited with her in a week. Every time I call her phone, it just rings. So, I've been counting on moms updates from mom.
I have gone WAY off of weight watchers. I weighed myself last night, I have gained all of the weight I lost on weight watchers before. As it was, when I started back this last time, I needed to just lose 10lbs of weight I gained back, plus the rest(which is over 100). I lost 5lbs that one week, gained that back plus all the rest. The first time I did WW I lost 36.6 I believe? It was 36 something. Now I am so far away from that, it's terrible.
I hate it and hate myself. I hate being fat and wish it could go over night. It's so hard to do WW because I hate eating the same ole crap. If I find something new I need 10000 ingredients to make it. I need something simple to make when I get home from work. I don't get off til 6 most days and it's a headache to cook a huge meal and then clean up. Thankfully, Matt helps with clean up if we both worked that day. If we did not both work that day, it's not a problem at all. *sighs*
It's so easy to pick up fast food or order a pizza. A great night to me? Going to wal-mart and picking up junk food. Then we come home and stuff our face and lay around because we're so full. I hate it. If I wasn't cursed with this, it would be something else though. LOL
I see what's ahead of me. I have to lose over 100lbs, it's my fault I know. I did this to myself and I need to lose it, it's unhealthy. I have so far to go though. And at the end of it, I'm scared to death of saggy skin.. Gross, I know.. But that's the problem us fat people have when we lose weight. I would rather stay fat, because I would still feel un-sexy with the flabby skin. ROFL!
Well, I need to go. Matt is bringing home sonic for supper. See? TERRIBLE! But a sista is going to feast.
Lovely Ramblings
